Friday, June 19, 2009
The Hermaphrodite: Jamie
I started out life as a girl. Not exactly what I wanted, but that’s the way it happened. My grandmother used to make all of my clothes and of course she made dresses, and my mom used to braid my hair.
Early on I displayed some intolerance of my given sex and I cut the braids out of my hair. I also bound my chest with an Ace bandage. It was the only way I could go through life. I couldn’t allow my breasts to show. Nor could I take having the appearance of a female.
In high school, I did attempt to be feminine at times. I ran for queen of our May Fete court and came in 2nd runner up. It was the only time I wore a dress in high school and I did it basically as a joke. I thought that I was gay because I was a woman who liked women, but I also felt like a guy so I thought I was really, really gay!
I got my first girlfriend my freshman year in college. She was also a female to male transsexual although I think today she is living as a lesbian. At the time, her friendship was much needed, but ultimately it didn’t work out-mainly because her father was delusional, but that’s another story.
I ended up going to mortuary school in Louisville KY. While there I made one more last ditch effort to be a woman. I wore dresses to class and grew my hair out, but in the end it was too uncomfortable to keep up. It just wasn’t me.
After mortuary school, I moved back home where I met a woman who said that she loved me. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could have a normal life with a wife and kids. We talked about what we’d do after I have a sex change, but I really didn’t know where to start getting information to do that. I didn’t have the courage to go out and find the information so I just maintained the status quo. When my girlfriend broke up with me, I was devastated and it forced me to find information to change my sex.
I moved back down to Louisville and I joined a support group for transsexuals. I was the only guy in the group. I wanted to talk football and they wanted to talk eye shadow. However, they put me on the road to manhood. I got information on how to change my name as well as where to get hormones. If I hadn’t gotten hormones I would have committed suicide. I wasn’t able to pass anymore. I looked like a lesbian and people were calling me “ma’am” at the grocery store. I thought my life was over. The hormones saved me. My self-esteem was still very low even though I was finally starting to have the outward appearance of a man.
I moved to Chicago where I was determined that the upcoming summer would be the last summer that I would have boobs. I made an appointment with a doctor in TX (Dr. Raphael), flew down and had my boobs removed! Yea!!! My self esteem immediately shot up. My girlfriend at the time was very supportive, but our relationship ultimately didn’t work out. Even though I was devastated (yes, again I was devastated by a break up), I found other women who liked me. I began to realize that I was hot! I could get girls! I put an ad on the Internet and became a slut! I met many women, but none of whom I felt like I could spend my life with.
I had also begun to pursue my life long dream of being an actor. Chicago was exactly where I needed to be. Chicago is the sketch and improv capital of the world! I immediately got involved with plays and doing improv. And I was doing it as a man!
Just when I was about to give up all hope of finding someone to spend my life with, I reconnected with a woman that I had known years earlier. There was a spark that ignited a flame and today she is my wife. I couldn’t be happier!
I am currently working as a film producer with a company in Chicago. I am also an actor/comedian, and have a one man show entitled LIVING INSIDE MYSELF. It's a sometimes funny, sometimes touching look at my life growing up as a woman. It is currently available for production. I was most recently seen on the Chelsea Handler Show on E! I can also be seen in shows at many theatres in Chicago.
at 11:39 AM